Thankful starts with “T”
I spent most of this year on testosterone for hormone replacement treatment.
To be honest, I was so nervous to start on this journey of transitioning and getting on HRT. But man, I am so glad I made the decision to take that leap.
A lot has changed since I took my first T shot. There are things I love, such as my newfound confidence and outlook on life. Some things I didn’t expect, like the difficulties I face navigating relationships and community. Then there are other things I really hated, but now am learning to love, like how the process of my voice deepening really affects my singing range.
It hasn’t always been an easy journey full of sunshine and rainbows either. Trust me, there have been moments, especially early on, where I’ve wondered if I was making the right choice. Times I’ve been anxious and afraid of the unknown. Times I’ve even mourned over the “death” of my old self, believe it or not.
But I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
Before I made the decision to start on HRT, I spoke with many trans men to ask how they came to the conclusion that they were trans and what their journeys have been like. One of my absolute best bros happens to be a trans man, and one thing he instilled in me was to not let me gaslight myself about whether or not I made the right decision. Because I know who I am and I know what I need, and there were many reasons to back up how I got to where I am now and why I made this decision in the first place. And that is something I have held onto all this time and still go back to when I need it most.
Now here I am, 7 months into my transition and I am still thankful for starting T. Because while it’s not been the easiest journey, I can gladly say that it has been a very fulfilling one.
Since starting T…
- I look in the mirror and love the body I see in my reflection. I don’t nitpick or obsess over my looks as much as I used to. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I get to just exist in this physical form and not want to hide away.
- I am more confident and carry myself with pride. I do things I’ve always been too shy to do before, and I say things I want without filtering myself too much. I don’t have to wear a mask or try to fit myself into a mold. I can just be me.
- I have a much better relationship with both of my parents. I can be open and honest with my mom and I call her much more regularly again. I actually tell my dad I love him more often and have started to ask for his advice.
There are many other ways that starting T has impacted my life, but those are the more prominent ones I felt needed mentioning.
In a nutshell though, T has brought me mental clarity. I love my life. I love who I am. I am more tenacious and ready to take on the world. Overall, I am joyous and content and at peace. And even though my mental health isn’t always 100%, I actually want to be alive most days and I find there are more opportunities where I can take a second to enjoy even the most mundane moments.
So yeah, it’s funny because seasonal depression has been hitting hard lately, but at this moment in time, since I’ve started writing this post…
I’m happy to be alive and I’m thankful.
And my thankfulness starts with “T”.